I mean, it’s not like I get out and get to explore as much as I did in my younger days. And, you know what, I don’t mind. I’ve got something really good most days. There’s crap some days, but that’s any relationship really. Do you really want to hear the cotton candy clouds and the occasional rubbing alcohol rainstorms that come with it? I don’t, so I figure you don’t either. There’s plenty already.

The main reason I’m blogging tonight is the fact I submitted something to Dangerous Lilly to post on her blog as a bit of guest erotica. When it’s actually up I’ll post again, though anyone reading my blog already reads her’s I’m sure. This Could Be Dangerous if you were wondering.

And really, that’s all. Just some shameless self promotion. I’m trying to write more dirty thoughts down for you but as a friend has so eloquently put it, ‘the problem with writing smut is wanting smut done to you.’ Thank Dark Gracie for that gem. It is a beauty isn’t it?

I’ve got to follow that introduction? Wow. No pressure. As for why I don’t blog as much as I say I want too, it comes down to being equal parts self-editing and wanting to move past the day into the next. After all, no one knows better than I do the kind of strange things that go through my head. If I shared that with the world unfiltered, umm, none of you have the white coats on speed dial right? As for the day to day grind, there’s only so many ways to write about the cycle of each child taking a turn driving me loony. Before long I’ll be living in Toontown driving around in Benny. One thing she did miss is the fact the highs are Chimborazo, the lows are Challenger Deep and it jumps from one to the other with ease. Go ahead, look those up. We’ll wait. *Jeopardy Music*Back? Now where was I? Actually, I think that’s it for me too. At least I can’t think of anything else.

More to come soon, we intend.

In the bedroom she’s taken on the dominant role. We’ve done this a time or two before but it was never quite this in depth or this prolonged. Usually it was a few nights and then it went back to her being the babygirl and things were on my terms. Now pretty much everything is on her terms and I only get to make suggestions. Sure, most of the suggestions are enacted, but on her time and in her preferred way.

Overall, it’s been good for us. My abnormally high sex drive is dealt with. She doesn’t feel pressured as much as she used to so she gets to enjoy it so much more. We’re trying and experimenting with more things that I’m NOT going  into detail about just yet. I’m also less stressed now that there’s less stress between us.

She’s still working her way through the erotica books I got her for Valentine’s Day, and she wanted to read more while I gave her oral. I spent quite a while licking, kissing, sucking. All while she read. Her breathing was getting heavy and I realized she was well worked up, so I reached for the Acuvibe Mini we got at the beginning of the year. It was a short time after she began climaxing. Even as her thighs pressed in on my head, I continued savoring the oral until she was far too sensitive for me to continue. She continued to read, and after a few moments, I applied the vibe again to send her into another fit of orgasms.

After she recovered, she wanted to try some anal play. I picked the Tantus Ripple of the few plugs we didn’t get rid of. After she was well lubed, I slid it in. Considering how infrequent anal play is with her, I was proud how good the babygirl did. It slid right in, all but the last bulge. We tried to get it further, but she’s just not ready for that. After pulling it out, I gave a treat I enjoy as well. I licked and tongued that puckered little hole, something I need to do more often and will definitely follow any anal play to help soothe her and reward her.

She rose up on all fours after that and, for a short time, I took her like that but we moved to her on top. She laid down and tucked her head into my neck. There was talk of how well she did, and how proud I was, as we moved slowly. At one point she got up and fetched the plug again and slid it inside after she climbed back on top. It was a thrill to feel it as she rode for the short time it stayed inside. There was talk after that of when I finally claim that last hole for myself.

Then I came buried deep inside her. Something that’s happening more often and with more ease now that her Mirena quells the worry of another pregnancy. Not just that, anyone that’s read this blog for some time would know that I’ve always had a bit of trouble climaxing from anything other than masturbation so this is becoming a real treat for me. After that, it was a shower for me and back to our daily life. I hope you enjoyed reading about our bit of fun.

Things have been chaotic as usual. We both still have issues from growing up and past relationships that we’re working out. Mainly, I’m too dependent on our sex life to gauge how healthy the relationship is and she puts too much pressure on herself both in career and personal life. Other than that, and the problems those issues cause, we have a pretty healthy and stable relationship.

In other news, we’re having to move after half a year at this place. Long story short, there’s serious damage that wasn’t our fault so we’re moving into a smaller place down the block. On the plus side, rent will be cheaper and we will be sans neighbors for the most part. The downsizing will be good though. We’ve been thinking more and more of moving back to my home state or seriously start planning to get a small farm.

That’s about it for now. Tomorrow I’ll talk about the sexy stuff that happened today.

[babygirl: the past couple months have been very emotional overall for me and, unfortunately, i have let that spill over into all aspects of my life.  add a bottle-fed newborn kitten and our impending move on top of that *head explodes* i have noticed that i get stressed easier since the insertion of my Mirena IUD but we're still monitoring things to see if that's an influence on my mood.  i have started looking into a change in jobs but i'm not sure if i'm ready for that step yet because of the flexibility my job allows, especially since the kids are still young.  i am hoping that, as we are decluttering in preparation for our move, this will help lighten things up and simplify things for us.  wish us luck!]

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If it wasn’t going to be so damn cold I’d hold you to that tonight. Skin to skin is nice, even sans the hot pin me to the bed oral sex. That will definitely be in my thoughts for a few days at the least, weeks more likely. -Psycosis

I’ve gotten to try some already but I’m waiting until we use them together to say anything. I’ll post in the morning what’s been keeping me all sorts of busy. – Psycosis

Education

Thus far I’ve been a business major, an art major, an English major and a nursing major. Indecisive? I’d have to agree. The problem is I don’t know what I want to do as a career. Well I sort of do, but honestly don’t know if it’s something I’d be successful in. More on that later.

Do I go with something easily marketable that I already show aptitude in? Do I go for my passion despite seeing its real world use wither? Do I learn yet another skill set to broaden mine even further? Do I go to the community college and maybe transfer later? Do I go a quicker route with the technical college?

Trust me, by now I’ve worked out the logistics of nearly every one of those questions. A bit much I know but that’s a different sin. Despite all that work I still have no clue which path to take. Add into this that I want to give her the chance to go to grad school, which would be next to impossible if I started seriously working towards a degree thanks to our situations.

So a quick, marketable skill set would seem the ideal. The one I’ve thought about would be useful at home as well. A problem is that it’s also a skill set my sperm donor had and he nearly hated it by the time I was out of the house for good. The main problem though is that it gives little to no room for me to distract myself with courses I would enjoy and would further the things I want to do.

Career

You’ve seen my list of previous majors. For jobs I’ve done digital publishing and web design, installed carpeting, worked with horses, was manager of a convenience store, a military man, a baker, sales clerk in various retail businesses, hotel maintenance and even a CNA. Add that automotive repair, computer repair and general home construction plus all the crafts and hobbies I’ve had. Again, a bit indecisive of me.

During all those jobs one thing remained constant. I wrote. Not as much as I would like, and not enough for most to consider me a writer. I still claim the title though. It’s what I would love to do for a career but these days I see a flooded market, particularly with what I write.

Do I go with a career I might grow to hate or risk perusing one that turns out to be a dead-end? Do I go with something new and wholly unknown but could prove useful? Do I just say fuck it, stick to what I know, and let her be the bread-winner?

Conclusion

I’m an indecisive bitch. And I forgot to mention in all that I want farm land so that we’re less dependent on our income and more dependent on ourselves. But a full farm isn’t something I’ve worked with before so I’ll have to learn on the job or beforehand anyways. Realization, I’ve never gotten a straight answer if that’s something she would want. It’s a big change, a whole different way of life. Something new for us to talk through obviously after she reads this.

So last night I put it to her to sit, think, write a list of all the things she’s unhappy with about herself. She’s a goal oriented person from what I’ve seen over these years. I’m hoping the list helps her change those things. And yes, before she even turned that idea back on me I knew I would be needing to do the same introspection. This is the start of that. I’ll probably refine it later but here. It just feels fitting to deal with them like the 7 Sins.

I should probably work on a post about each in the near future. It will give me an idea just how screwed I am and how much work there’s do. Oh, if you didn’t realize, this whole post is about accountability. Not so much to any of you reading, though the public embarrassment when I slip up should help, but to myself. And none of this even touches on bad habits I want rid of like biting my nails.

Here’s to the long road ahead.