My Guest Post
Recently I mentioned offering one of my erotica pieces, “Bump in the Night”, to Dangerous Lilly for a guest post on her blog. It’s now live and I’ve gotten some traffic from it recently. To all the new comer, welcome. Happy to have you. I hope you enjoy some of my other ramblings, and feel free to comment on any of them.
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I read your piece over at Lilly’s place. I don’t know if you want to hear this or not (feel free to delete this comment, no offense will be taken!), but the story felt unfinished.
Specific criticism: tense…. you switch from present into past tense in the middle of the piece, and the transition seemed abrupt enough to bother me. Also, I had trouble… telling exactly what was going on in that bed. The gist is there, that the narrator is happily submissive to his girlfriend, but the specifics kind of mystified me. Is there another guy in bed with them? When I read erotica I also generally want a little more… naughty bits. It doesn’t have to be totally pornographic, but I do want to read about some action, of one kind or another. As it stands, your piece was too… soft and abstract for me.
All that said, you clearly write really well, and I enjoyed your style. I basically think Bump In The Night could benefit from some editing and expanding.
Best
Elsie
First, thank you for the criticism. Part of my hope in placing that story on Lilly’s blog was to get criticism outside my normal circle. I understand the issue with tense. I do it constantly and don’t always catch it. As far as unfinished and unclear, normally I am much more prolific (read long-winded) as you could see with an erotic piece I have on this blog. This was an experiment in a Flash length erotic piece. You’re criticism will definitely add to the learning experience.
Thank you
Psycosis